Zapped

In which the need for a filler episode forces the Bitches to behave really childishly and whine about the lack of attention being paid to them, Jack doesn't know his own birthday but knows his Zodiac sign, Overworked James Gaylyn is forced to keep up his indentured service to Disney once again, waiving your Miranda Rights frees you up for all sorts of police brutality in 2025, Sky has bad breath, Batcan declares Jihad against Skelothor for violating his Tao, Syd gets roofies slipped to her, and the Glowing Ball of Opie Ex Machina is as scary to Civilian Extras as any giant monster.

Feedback: Why soitanly. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.






















Power Rangers Without Pity Recap – “Zapped” or “The One With The Premature Magic Show”

Episode Grade: C

As I’m sure most of you must know, almost certainly having cable, this episode debuts a new opening with footage of Ghostwrider and all his shiny new Shameless Pieces of Merchandising. However, my VCR cut most of it off, so I’m not at liberty to detail it in full. Besides, even if you don’t have cable and didn’t see the episode even on network, I’m sure you’ve read the preview below. So we just won’t bother going over it; not that it really matters, as the message remains the same regardless: Go Buy Our Stuff.

We start off today in the Doghouse – Cadets’ Rec Mess, where the now-six Bitches are snarfing their daily dose of cafeteria food – which from the looks of it seems to be the exact same menu from “Idol”, possibly even leftovers from back then. Well, all except for the Glowing Ball of Opie Ex Machina, who has neither mouth nor digestive system at the moment. I suppose it’s just as well, given that SPD must have terribly unimaginative cooks on retainer who might not even have the sense to send their food runoff down to Señor Rata De La Plaga’s Authentic Botulism and Typhus-Carrying Taco Cart. At any rate, Syd is reading horoscopes, and reports that Geminis are expected to have “an exciting day, filled with adventure, romance, and a financial windfall” – news which excites Jack, who complains about his nonexistent SPD salary. Okay, first of all, for someone who doesn’t even know his own birthday, Jack seems to have an uncanny grasp on his astrological forecast. Also, if he doesn’t earn anything by working for SPD, how could he even buy Syd cupcakes on “their” birthday? Ordinarily I’d be irked at this Charmed-like flagrant disregard for continuity, but I’m not sure blatantly ignoring canon created by Jackie Marchand isn’t a good thing. Anyway, Bridge excitedly asks for his horoscope next. However, when Syd asks what his sign is, he launches into a Sethphramy diatribe on how he was born on a transpacific flight that crossed two time zones, resulting in his birthday technically being that day and the day before that. Sky, Jack, and Syd try very hard not to choke on their potato chips during this bout of logorrhea, and eventually Z takes the paper and interprets Bridge’s horoscope as a daily prediction of his being “Confused, and tomorrow, and the next day…” Too bad that, given the way the situation actually worked out, that horoscope could read for everyone except Bridge; for it to actually apply, you’d have to substitute “confused” for “insulted”.

Anysnooch, Sea Doo then walks in and asks to see the Glowing Ball of Opie Ex Machina. Glowpie promptly explodes into Ghostwrider and runs off, leaving Syd and Z to kvetch about how jealous they are of Dog Snoop spending so much one-on-one time with Glowpie/Ghostwrider, as if they were long-lost father and son. Um…okay; who knew these mofos cared how much attention the chief was paying them – especially when it tends to come in the form of being sent out to put their lives on the line against Evil Space Aliens or punishing them for their various moronic acts of bastichery – but whatever. I’ve certainly seen equivalently lame or more pitiable motivations in my time – usually coming out of Aunt Jackie, but I can’t blame her for this one, unfortunately. Bridge non sequiturs about how Glowpie couldn’t be Sea Doo’s son, what with “the whole interspecies thing”. Firstly, tell that to the Star goddamned Trek nuts out there; they’ll mate anything with anything. And secondly, as much as I agree with the likelihood of Bridge’s sentiment, I must point out that we really don’t have any idea what the Invisible Mrs. Doo looked like, or if she was even a Sirian homo-canid like her husband; nor do we know who or what Glowpie’s parents were either. Devil’s advocacy I’m sure I’ll regret later, when the score of “Son of a bitch – literally” jokes and bizarre fanfics pour in. Speaking of devil’s advocacy, Sky supposes that Dog Snoop is just pumping Glowpie for valuable information about the future he comes from. “And we’re not valuable?” Jack whines. Well not if you’re going to keep this shit up, you’re not. It would seem, however, that Sky at least falls under the category of “valuable”, as Sea Doo bellows for him next. Unfortunately, it’s only so Dog Snoop can stick him with Ghostwrider’s “daily duties” so that they can spend more quality time together. Sea Doo and Ghostwrider leave Sky gaping after them, as the other Bitches smirk themselves to death.

THE GREAT MYSTICON MAGIC SHOW – or so the poorly crafted sign would have us believe. Tomatoes are flung at a couple of Rubber Suits of the Week – one an oversized, teal-blue generic reptilian thing, and the other some clown in a magician’s tux with horns who looks like Mumbo from Teen Titans. Horny Mumbo pleads with the small, irate crowd he’s gathered on the street to have a little patience with his roadside magic act. He then directs his assistant, “Al” – the generic reptile thing – to get inside a curtained-off box so that they can do the famous “disappear-from-inside-the-box” trick. Unfortunately, Al’s size and clumsiness destroys the box’s framework, allowing the audience to see him sneaking out through the false back and hidden opening in the stage curtains behind him. Boos ensue and the audience disperses – all except for Next Monday, who appears oddly interested. DUN! George Lucas-cut to: M-Ga approaching Horny Mumbo and Generic Kaiju #5 “backstage” and offering to make Horny Mumbo the greatest magician in the world. She then offers him a spiffy little magic wand (though sadly not a Rita Repulsa-sized wand, apropos as it would have been to stick “Magic wand, make my monster grow!” in this episode) that looks not unlike a tiny version of Lothor’s Reanimated Skeleton’s Light Pipe. However, Horny Mumbo is a practical magician, and therefore gets all, “Are you kidding me with this?” so Next Monday demonstrates the wand’s power by using it to spork GK5 into oblivion. Well, as it turns out, she only made him invisible, but it’s enough to win Horny Mumbo over – as much as anyone could win the experienced shyster over, anyway, since he wisely asks what the catch is. M-Ga says that all she wants is to be able to call upon him for a favor at some time in the future; until then, he can use the Lite Pipe to do as he pleases. DUN! DUN! Then GK5 coughs and complains that he can’t see his feet. Insert rimshot here.

The Doghouse – Battle Bridge. Dog Snoop is briefing the Bitches on a rash of valuable thefts – gold, jewels, and cash – that occurred in broad daylight without anyone seeing a thing. Hey, dude – it took y’all four whole episodes to notice the Glowing Ball of Opie Ex Machina right in front of your faces, and you’re trained investigators; what do you expect from your civilians? Then the Bad Things Claxon goes off, and Sea Doo directs Ghostwrider to check out the disturbance at “411 West Rose”; however, Jack pipes up and says that the Bitches will all go. The Bitches then mount up their various Shameless Pieces of Merchandising and head out to the given address, which turns out to be a restaurant. As they run up, Overworked James Gaylyn, sans Rubber Suit or ADR booth, runs out yelling at a thief to stop. Ghostwrider asks him where the thief went, after which an irate Skyba tells him to step off and asks where the thief went. Well there’s 10 seconds of my life I’ll never have back. Overworked James Gaylyn says that he never actually saw the thief – only the cash just floating out of his store. Bridge then calls the Bitches over to where he’s getting bitch-slapped by nothing at all. The other Bitches are all, “He’s finally lost it; whoever called 23 episodes wins the precinct pool!” until Bridge punches something into a pipe; said something sparks on impact and fizzles into view as Generic Kaiju #5. On a nearby terrace, Next Monday observes and informs Horny Mumbo that GK5 could use his help. Horny Mumbo is all, “I ain’t fightin’ no Bitches!!!” so a disgruntled M-Ga tosses a Cannon Fodder Bomb and a Saturn Ball into the mix, summoning a battalion of the Wiffle-Faced Interpretive Dance Troupe and a Jetson Blue iteration. Jack orders Sky and Ghostwrider to take out GK5, while he, Syd, and Z wipe out the cannon fodder. Then they morph and start Cirque du Soleiling everyone to death. Meanwhile, Bridge gets backhanded by GK5, who then runs off with Sky and Ghostwrider on his tail. Next Monday giggles maniacally as the cannon fodder and GK5 start to get the upper hand. Bridge – having lost his gloves in the process for some reason – then morphs and helps Jack, Z, and Syd take down Jetson Blue. On the terrace, Horny Mumbo starts to skedaddle for fear of being caught by SPD, but M-Ga calls in that favor he owes her to make him stick around. Below, Ghostwrider revs his Kawasaki Mancuff and Nintendo Power Glove and KOs GK5, at which point he and Sky restrain him and read him his Miranda Rights. GK5, apparently a repeat offender and/or too stupid to know that waiving his Mirandization is a bad thing for his lawyer, is all “been there, done that, gimme my one phone call already” into the commercial break.

The Doghouse – The Heretofore Unseen Interrogation Room. Under orders from Dog Snoop, the Bitches each take a crack at making Generic Kaiju #5 crack. Jack goes in first, armed with a mug of coffee, and does the stock interrogation bit where he tells GK5 that everything will go easier for him if he cooperates and tells SPD who his accomplice was in the robberies. GK5 yawns and belches – no doubt much like the audience is doing. Next, Sky gets all up in the Rubber Suit’s grille and threatens him with slow torture via his entire range of many and varied sex toys going into places they really shouldn’t. Or something like that. GK5 just weaves slightly in the wake of Sky’s apparent killer halitosis, and asks if he had onions for lunch. Heh. Syd attempts what I can only guess is an effort to reach out to GK5 sympathetically – which fails miserably as she quickly goes off on this irksome rant about growing up pretty, rich, and loved by millions, and asks him how he could ever amount to anything being an ugly Godzilla understudy. GK5, understandably, is all, “Bite me, shikse!” and asks to see Sky again. Snerk; word, GK5. Word. Behind the one-way mirror, Sea Doo, Gadget Pussy and the other Bitches titter mercilessly at both Syd and Sky, who’s like, “See? Not everyone sees sodomy with a ruler as a bad thing!” Then Z comes in and blares one of Syd’s singles off an album she did when she was the alleged Lindsay Lohan of 2025 – a song called “Me”, which seems to go:

Me, me, me, me
Now let’s talk about it
Me, me, me, me, yeah
So tired of talkin’ `bout me;
Let’s talk about you
Tell me, what do you think of
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me
Now Let’s talk about it

Z says that Syd wrote and performed this song (though as trivia would have it, it was actually Matt Austin who wrote this catchy little ditty and Alycia Purrott who recorded it not too shabbily – though, of course, Evanescence they’re still not and they shouldn’t quit their day jobs) so naturally, it’s all. About. Her. And if GK5 doesn’t start talking, he can look forward to having it tear up his eardrums ad infinitum. See the kind of torture you have to endure when you waive your Miranda Rights? Once again, GK5 asks for Sky again, if only so he can get a couple of inflatable butt plugs to stick in his ear canals and drown out the Sound of Syd. Behind the glass, a miffed Syd is all, “Radio Disney still loves me…” while Sky gets all smirkity-smirkish because for once his enormous adult toy inventory is in high demand. Questionable. Highly questionable. Also, watch closely and you can see John Tui trying very hard not to bop his Dog Snoop head along with the beat. Finally, Bridge heads into the interrogation room and uses his CSPsi powers to astral project himself twenty years into the past so that he can access the power of Cam Watanabe’s and Conner McKnight’s respective Gi-normous Bitches. He then revolutionizes the use of the Bitch by utilizing it in an act of passive resistance, drowning GK5 in a non-hostile torrent-of-consciousness that touches upon the actual level of security of the penal system of 2025, the psychological nature of security in general, Cindy Sheehan’s protest in Crawford, TX, who exactly kidnapped that girl in Aruba, the establishment of a legitimate and lasting democratic government in Iraq, the results of Rock Star: INXS, Hurricane Katrina making landfall, and whether or not Scientologists despise psychiatric medicine so much because if they were ever to be examined clinically they’d all be deemed irrevocably insane. This finally gets GK5 talking – after he stops banging his head against the two-way mirror, that is – and he drops the science that he and Horny Mumbo were working for Next Monday. Outside, the Bitches (particularly Sky; draw your own sketchy Sky/Bridge conclusions) squee with delight at Bridge’s success. Gadget Pussy and Sea Doo deduce that Lothor’s Reanimated Skeleton must be up to something. *gasp* Skelothor? Up to something?!? On this show, where he’s the Arch-Rubber Suit of the season?!? You’re kidding!

The Crusty Nostromo. Within the ship’s labyrinthine, slime-and-fog-filled halls, Horny Mumbo (at an audience with Lothor’s Reanimated Skeleton, M-Ga, and Batcan) insists that he doesn’t owe the Army of Misfit Toys anything, and he can keep it that way with the help of his spiffy little Lite Pipe. So Skelothor rectifies that situation by sporking it out of existence with his own Light Pipe. D’OH! However, Next Monday then hands Horny Mumbo a new Lite Pipe as Skelothor orders him to kidnap a scientist for him. Since Horny Mumbo is a nobody, he can operate under the proverbial SPD radar that would immediately tag one of Skelothor’s more notorious agents, and thus makes the perfect pawn for this filler episode- er, I mean, “operation”. M-Ga tells Horny Mumbo that Skelothor will spork him into oblivion (which Skelothor can apparently do “with his eyes closed” – you know, in spite of his HAVING NO EYELIDS TO CLOSE) if her refuses, and Skelothor graciously says that Batcan will even supply him with a Necessary-Because-Horny-Mumbo-Sure-Would-Be-Fucked-Otherwise Mecha. Horny Mumbo says that he can’t afford a NBHMSWBFOM, and Skelothor brushes it off and tells Batcan to just give him the Mecha. Batcan has a conniption fit at being ordered to hand off a freebie, as it violates his religion, but the baleful glare of Skelothor’s light-up eyes action feature forces him to comply. Skelothor then proceeds to instruct Horny Mumbo, while Batcan hangs back and declares Jihad on the overgrown Skeleton Warrior for this sacrilege against the Tao of Batcan.

The Doghouse – Battle Bridge. Z has found a flyer for a show Horny Mumbo is putting on at the “[Big iPod] University Science Center”, supposedly for charity. Dog Snoop smells a rat – at which point Foreshadowing does the humpty dance with a male blow-up doll with Brad Pitt’s face pasted onto the head, down a Soul Train line of Jason Voorhees Harajuku Girls wearing Fubu and Juicy Couture, all to the tune of Ciara’s “1, 2, Step”. Sea Doo decides to send the Glowing Ball of Opie Ex Machina to investigate, to which Sky hotly objects. However, the veiled threat of having Dog Snoop bite off his nards shuts him up real quick, and forces the other Bitches to start whistling and looking in any direction but the chief’s. And scene.

Badge-Cut to: PLAYHOUSE THEATRE, where Big iPodite Extras are milling in to see Horny Mumbo’s magic show. Among them are the Glowing Ball of Opie Ex Machina – whom, again, NO ONE NOTICES BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL IDIOTS – as well as the Bitches, in rare civilian dress. A few things to note about the latter: 1) for once, Z has not been forced into something hideous by wardrobe, but rather a fetching black pants and jacket set over a yellow t-shirt and a black knit sarong; 2) wardrobe has instead targeted Bridge, who has been forced to wear plaid golfer pants and an Urban Outfitters shirt under a blazer with the sleeves pushed up as if it were 1983, like the Sethphram he is; 3) Sky is out of uniform for the first time ever, in khakis and a diagonal stripes-patterned button-down; and 4) Syd is cheating the Unwritten Law of Ranger Color Cues by wearing a jeans and off-the-shoulder blouse ensemble that is mostly blue, with a pink tank top underneath. It’s like she got possessed by Tori from Ninja Storm, or something. At any rate, Z says that she’s not sure they should be tagging along like this, to which Sky replies that they’re here to show Sea Doo that they’re just as capable as Glowpie, and to provide “backup”. Nitpicky viewers will take note of yet another instance of Sky breaking the rules because it fucking suits him to. Jack mentions that Glowpie sure as hell didn’t ask them to come along as backup, but Bridge says that backup is backup, and likens it to the metaphor of the tree falling in the forest. So what, he’s saying that there’s a possibility no one will hear them disobeying Dog Snoop’s orders and interfering with Glowpie’s investigation? Pssh, not while Sea Doo’s got ultrasonic hearing.

In the meantime, Syd sees a HELP WANTED sandwich board advertising the need for a magician’s assistant for Horny Mumbo’s show. She promptly tells the other Bitches to go in without her while she goes through a George Lucas-Cut and into Horny Mumbo’s backstage dressing room. In the interim, she has changed into a decidedly-NOT-pink turquoise jacket with tails, a top hat, stockings, and high heels, and acquired theme music courtesy of the Kenny G Pooting Saxophone of Debatable Taste – or in this case, the Kenny G Pooting Saxophone of Hey She’s Not Wearing Pink. Syd wastes no time in getting down to business, telling Horny Mumbo that she’s into magic, waaaay into money, and won’t ask any probative questions. Horny Mumbo – more than likely being Horny and in the presence of Syd – hires her on the spot. Then Next Monday pokes her head out of the wings and beckons Horny Mumbo over. There, she drops the science that Syd works for SPD; Horny Mumbo wants to fire her, but M-Ga has a better idea. A beat later, Horny Mumbo approaches Syd, who has been snooping around the dressing room in the meantime, and uses his Lite Pipe to toss some swirly pink CGI mojo into her face. Horny Mumbo commands Syd to obey his every word, and Syd’s eyes sparkle with that selfsame CGI mojo as she says that she will. Millions of fanboys rapidly learn to hate Horny Mumbo for getting Syd in the situation they’ve always wanted her in, and wail and gnash their teeth into the commercial break.

Playhouse Theatre. It’s showtime, and Horny Mumbo has taken the stage alongside an Egyptian sarcophagus. He thanks the audience for donating to the Big iPod University Science Program, and then calls his assistant, Magical Roofie!Syd out onto the stage. The other Bitches, watching all in a row in the audience, don’t seem particularly fazed by this development; nor does the Glowing Ball of Opie Ex Machina, who is camouflaged amongst the overhead spotlights. Clever, really. Horny Mumbo directs Magical Roofie!Syd to sit in an overstuffed chair and drapes a tarpaulin over her, at which point Z finally notices that Syd is the magician’s assistant. Sky duhs that she’s “gone deep undercover”. Whoa there, guys, slow it down; your deductive acumen is already leaving Sherlock Holmes in the dust, no need to humiliate the man further. My Sarcasmeter twitches and smokes, but it’s nothing it isn’t used to. Although now that I think about it, the Bitches might just have been so slow on the draw because Syd isn’t wearing pink today.

At any rate, Horny Mumbo waves his Lite Pipe and says abracadabra, and when he lifts off the tarp, Magical Roofie!Syd is nowhere to be found. Perhaps some enterprising fanboy snuck onto the set and convinced her to follow him backstage so he could take advantage of her current lack of free will. This possibility then occurs to the Bitches, who slow-clap and squint suspiciously at the stage. As it turns out, Magical Roofie!Syd is just in the wings, surrounded by the Wiffle-Faced Interpretive Dance Troupe, with nary an aspiring rapist fanboy in sight. Letdown. Horny Mumbo is getting ready for another illusion, and asks for a volunteer from the audience. Bridge spazzes out and waves his hand in the air to be picked, but it only ends up freaking Horny Mumbo out. Heh. Instead, he calls up a statuesque brunette with glasses from the front row who looks vaguely like Katrina Brown/Kapri from Ninja Storm. Only, you know, with glasses and as a brunette. Anyway, this person who is obviously the Guest Hostage of the Week introduces herself as “Dr. Helen Tyler-Jones,” and Horny Mumbo ushers her into the sarcophagus. Overhead, Glowpie shimmers ominously.

The Doghouse – Battle Bridge. Mew Mew Delta has finally had the time and inclination to run down a list of all the shit the Army of Misfit Toys has done stoleded thus far throughout the season, including kreets of doymunds, iridium, and “sand” - except for the part where no one ever stole sand. Sigh. The point is, Gadget Pussy has no idea how Horny Mumbo fits in with Lothor’s Reanimated Skeleton’s nonsensical crime spree. Suddenly, the Glowing Ball of Opie Ex Machina phones in – somehow, given that he has neither a communication device nor the appendages with which to work one – and reports Horny Mumbo calling Dr. Tyler-Jones out of the audience. He asks Mew Mew to run a background check on her, and Mew Mew shoots back that she’s “one of the world’s leading microbiologists”. She then asks what the hell Skelothor would want with her – because what, kidnapping a scientist is strange, but allegedly stealing sand isn’t? – and Dog Snoop surmises that she might be forced to combine all the things the AoMT has done stoleded. Not that a microbiologist would have any experience in creating anything at all from inorganic substances like doymunds, iridium, and allegedly stoleded sand. No, no, no, if Skelothor wants an eeeeeevil thingy made of doymunds, iridium, and allegedly stoleded sand, the people he needs to be kidnapping are D. Composing Pervert and the Legion of Kink. Double sigh. In any event, Sea Doo orders the Bitches to investigate further, but Glowpie cheerfully points out that they’re already there with him. Dog Snoop’s animatronic eyes fly impossibly wide and open as he goggles, “They’re WHAT?!!!?” [sing-song] Somebody’s gonna get it… [/sing-song]

Playhouse Theatre. Horny Mumbo shuts up the Guest Hostage in the sarcophagus, after which he taps on it with the Lite Pipe. He then opens the sarcophagus to reveal that it is Guest Hostage-free. The audience applauds wildly, including the Bitches – which is odd, because you’d think Horny Mumbo’s one and only trick of making people disappear would get old quickly. Also, it would seem that this trick woke Z up from an impromptu nap, which amuses Bridge. Snerk. The Glowing Ball of Opie Ex Machina leaves his post on the track lighting to flutter off, as we cut backstage to find the Guest Hostage being held by the Jason Voorhees Harajuku Girls and another Jetson Blue iteration. Magical Roofie!Syd is still there as well, waiting to be gang-banged. Back out on stage, Horny Mumbo bids the audience goodnight, and it strikes Jack as odd that he wouldn’t bring the Guest Hostage back from Magician’s Disappeary-Land. However, just as Horny Mumbo is leaving, someone knocks from the inside of the sarcophagus. This piques everyone’s curiosity, and Horny Mumbo opens the sarcophagus to see who could be calling at this time of night. Out pops Glowpie, who cries “SPD – Emergency!!!” and explodes into Ghostwrider. This freaks out all the Civilian Extras, who run screaming as if Godzilla were attacking, and causes Horny Mumbo to make a break for it as well – possibly also because Glowpie/Ghostwrider scared the bejeezus out of him, in addition to the whole “guilty of theft and kidnapping” thing. Amidst the commotion, the Bitches spring into action and morph.

Horny Mumbo hurries backstage and…runs off with Magical Roofie!Syd, rather than the Guest Hostage. Questionable. Highly questionable. The Rangers follow suit and proceed to throw down with the WFIDT. Meanwhile, Horny Mumbo and Magical Roofie!Syd run out the back and into an empty lot behind the theatre, where Stunt Monday is waiting with more JVHGs and the Guest Hostage. The Rangers run out after them, pause to look at and consider everyone involved, and then strike Action Poses and charge into battle. O…kay. Horny Mumbo then orders Magical Roofie!Syd to get into it, and she starts attacking Bridge, holding her high-heels in her hands and using them as weapons. I’m not sure whether that’s more hilarious, ingenious, or sad. Bridge quickly gets her in a hold, and she zombie-murmurs that she has to stop him. Bridge then reaches around to her ass and under her clothes, and it’s about time someone took advantage of Syd’s current state of mind. Unfortunately, he just grabs…her Tragic Badgic, which he then puts in her hand and tells her to first say “`SPD – Emergency!!!’ okay?” Magical Roofie!Syd, who apparently has to obey every command given her (missed opportunity, aspiring rapist fanboys, I’m telling ya), complies, zombie-murmuring “SPD – Emergency, okay,” and morphs. Snerk. Somehow, this purges the Magical Roofies from her system and gives her back her free will, and she asks where the heck she is and what’s going on. A WFIDT tackles Bridge as he kindly informs her that she’s in the middle of a fight. “[Pssh.] What else is new?!?” Syd snarks. Hee.

Ghostwrider cranks up his Kawasaki Mancuff and uses “Power Mode” to gut-punch the Jetson Blue iteration into a truck, at which point the remaining JVHGs decide to book with the Guest Hostage. However, Ghostwrider catches up to and defeats them, and frees the Guest Hostage. Meanwhile, Syd had a bone to pick with Horny Mumbo for slipping her the Magical Roofies under whose influence no one took advantage of her, unless you count Bridge copping a feel while reaching for her Tragic Badgic. She’s still a bit miffed, though, and bitch-slaps him to death while Bridge grabs his Lite Pipe. Horny Mumbo then runs off to jump into that Necessary-Because-Horny-Mumbo-Sure-Would-Be-Fucked-Otherwise Mecha that Batcan had to give him. Said NBHMWBFOM turns out to be a samurai rabbit/antelope-looking thing with pincer arms. At the Doghouse, Sea Doo remarks that it looks like a bad one, and Gadget Pussy reveals that she sent away to Bandai of America for the instruction manual to both the Delta Squad Megazord and the Fisher-Pricycle to learn how to morph them together. So the Zords are sent out, and all combine and transform into Warrior Mode, respectively. The DSM attacks first, but the Samurai Jackalope super-speeds out of the way. The Fisher-Pricycle then uses its Ram-Bam Corkscrew Slam move and cuts the Samurai Jackalope, but the Jackalope retaliates with a lightning bolt from its forehead. The Rangers then decide to have both Megazords attack at the same time, only to have the Jackalope zip out of the way and slap each other down. Jack and Ghostwrider start bitching at each other until Sky shuts them both up and tells them to try the dual attack again. The Fisher-Pricycle transforms back to Bike Mode and the DSM hops on; they attempt to drive-by the Samurai Jackalope to death, but it dodges yet again and sporks the mechas with lightning.

Bridge then says their only chance is to combine all the Zords. Z asks Mew Mew Delta if they’re ready for this, to which Mew Mew replies that she’s downloaded the BoA instruction manual to their computers, and if children ages 5 and up can manage it, so can they. Or, you know, something actually encouraging and platitude-esque. The Zords then merge into the “DeltaMax Megazord”, in which this weird fucking aerodynamic bike-cop helmet plants itself on the DSM’s head. Then the Fisher-Pricycle turns into leg armor, and Bridge’s Trailer Trash and Sky’s Whirli Git attach as the new arms, which are then equipped with the silly-looking fist-handlebars of the Fisher-Pricycle. Z’s Chastity Brassiere and Syd’s Booby Cooper then attach as shoulder pads, and the Fisher-Pricycle’s windshield pastes itself on the mecha’s chest. A plethora of lights and sirens ensue, completing this formation that looks like a Megazord wearing the Pope’s hat. Gadget Pussy then informs them that the new formation has a “Hyper-Speed Mode” that will allow them to catch up with the Samurai Jackalope. Said Jackalope then resumes sporking the mecha with its forehead lightning, but the Popemobile Megazord activates its chrome tailpipe jump jets and leaps out of the way. Horny Mumbo is astounded, and thus unprepared when Sky activates the aforementioned Hyper-Speed Mode, sending the Popemobile rocketing past the Samurai Jackalope. Apparently struck down on the way, the Jackalope makes with the big sparkly damage fireworks and falls down. The Popemobile then activates the Jumbotron on its Booby Cooper shoulder pad and subjects Horny Mumbo to a Polygraft Test. Horny Mumbo pleads that Lothor’s Reanimated Skeleton and Next Monday forced him to commit crimes, but the Polygraft comes up Guilty with a capital What Were You Expecting? The Popemobile then charges in for a supersonic punch finisher that makes Horny Mumbo and his Samurai Jackalope blow up real good. Sky and Ghostwrider each attempt to take credit for the collar, as the Popemobile Megazord assumes its obligatory Dramatic Pose.

The Doghouse – Battle Bridge. Mew Mew Delta excitedly proclaims the Rangers’ victory, but notices that Dog Snoop doesn’t look too thrilled about it. “I’m not,” he snarls into the commercial break. DUN! DUN!

The Doghouse – Epilogue Central. Sea Doo rips the Bitches a new one for “deliberately violating [his] direct order.” Well technically, he never really ordered the Bitches to stay out of the investigation. He handed the case to the Glowing Ball of Opie Ex Machina and told the Bitches to stop whining about it, but never specifically commanded them to leave it strictly to Glowpie unless otherwise ordered. Not that I object to the chief calling these incompetent nimrods on their shit when needed, which is far more often than it actually happens. Regardless, Jack takes full responsibility for the Bitches’ egregious act of insubordination, and says that they just wanted to prove that they were as good as Glowpie. Again with the technicalities, Dog Snoop snaps that no one ever said that they weren’t as good as Glowpie; it is simply that Glowpie is a special case that requires his attention. Sky snivels that Sea Doo has been spending more time with Glowpie than with them, and Sea Doo tells him that while it’s not that it’s any of their business how he spends his time, he needed the extra time with Glowpie to get him acclimated to working in this time and place. “I did this knowing that you are fully confident and self-sustaining,” the chief continues. “Was I mistaken?” Magic 8 Ball says...“All signs point to `YES’”. Bridge and Z cop to feeling jealous of all the attention Glowpie was getting. Dog Snoop stitches up the last holes he made in the Bitches so he can rip them new ones all over again, saying that their childish feelings of inadequacy and attention-starved antics have no place in SPD. Then, more kindly, he says that they will always be his Rangers, and that they should always trust in that and in themselves. Afterwards, Sea Doo orders Gadget Pussy to administer treatment to facilitate accelerated healing, so that he can then rip the Bitches yet another new one, bringing the final ancillary asshole count to 3.

Yet Another Abandoned Warehouse In The Abandoned Warehouse District Which The City Government Has Still Not Seen Fit To Bulldoze And Convert Into Low-Cost Housing Developments For The Vast Indigent Alien Extras In Bad Makeup Population. Batcan layseth the smacketh down on a water heater as he gobbles and croaks about having the Samurai Jackalope destroyed when it hadn’t even been paid for, which is such a violation of the Tao of Batcan. Once again, for only slightly more believable reasons that someone on the seasonal Evil Space Alien team must double-cross the Archvillain every season since Ninja Storm, Batcan declares Jihad on Lothor’s Reanimated Skeleton. As in the first part of the interrogation scene, the audience yawns.

Next…the obligatory Fiberplas Tutu, a clip show, and a Silence of the Lambs ripoff featuring Sky in the Jodie Foster role - all in the same episode. *runs off to figure out a pun name for Sky involving "Clarice"*